I need to wake up. To welcome the dawn. To let the excruciating night go.
Oh, but wait, I haven't slept the whole night! Is this how Insomniacs feel? Live?
Tried all tricks to trick my mind into slumber.
Tossed and turn. Tossed and turned again.
Until my arms pricked my shoulder.
Until my waist bone pricked my stomach.
Until my spine went spineless.
A part of smile seems to control, cajole and hurt me.
For it traces rapidly before I can stop it,
With thoughts picked up from different departments of mind.
It digs deep.
Into the ocean of unrelated events. I block it.
It sneaks into neighboring neuron.
Seduces couple of them. Copulates. Creates a new one.
Ah! Now I have to block this too! And then when I do. Teases me. Tears me.
Like the boon of Raktabeej,
one drop of thought begets to thousand more and more.
The clock strikes 3. The night's moving away.
I yell. I cry. I want to sleep. I want to sleep.
I decide to pact. I accept defeat. Call my mind to the table.
Give it a free hand to think relentlessly.
With a hope to rest my eyes I move one.
Treachery! Treachery! Restlessness strikes back.
As if thought is that ruthless King set to conquer time and space.
How do I know? I rub my hands and feet in despair.
It has grown into a Monster.
Feeding on my neurons. Making illegitimate connections.
I feel threatened until my Ego arrives.
Ego reverses my thoughts.
Unlearns and un-connects.
In a quest to single out the origin of the devil.
Like searching needle in the haystack.
I feel a bit eased. Eyes soothed. Thoughts percolate.
On the cusp of oblivion yet awake to find the cause.
Won't go until my Ego solves it.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Bingo! Culprit nabbed!
My thoughts stem from my habit of obsessive reading.
I am too busy celebrating than introspecting.
Ego warns me. "NO!" it says. Wait.
The monster arises from an unfulfilled wish of mine.
Mine? Sky's the limit for them I exclaim.
Seems Ego has figured out.
My unconscious urge to write,
after capturing so many characters, events, anecdotes, observations around me.
They are revolting. Desperate to come out.
Accuse me for ignoring and ditching them.
Like an innocent devotee, I vow to unleash by writing.
Placate them. They recede. Throw back my freedom.
I pounce on it greedily and then the darkness hugs me.
- Aniruddh Naik