MAMTA TO BAN ALL CATS FROM WB ‘COZ OF THEIR M(A)EOW SOUND DURING KKR’s CELEBRATIONS IN EDEN GARDENS!!!

This **FICTIONAL **article appeared in one of the most upcoming youth magazine of India Scribido and can be checked out by clicking HERE

In an anticipated unprecedented move by Mamta didi, very soon after the incident on a ‘famous’ TV show wherein she walked off presuming a ‘BANISH’ conspiracy theory by CMao(cpm & Maoists). Thereby by she was very upset with the word Maoists as she happened to see everyone who questioned her to be a Maoist!!!

To add to it, when today, she was very agog in felicitating kkkkkkk….kiran’s kkkkkkk…Kolkata…Knight Riders team. But all her plans were washed up as the crowd kept coming in huge numbers, Mamta Didi suddenly got afraid and mumbled if this was the right time for MAOISTS & CPM to attack her.

Panicked and on an impulse, the police started lathi charge on all poor people, though none saw Didi’s gesture to them for going ahead. (Even Delusion reporting team didn’t see. It was a conjecture!!).

Suddenly, when this fiasco was in progress, people started shouting MAO MEAOW MOAEW MOAEW in uncanny tone. She caught some guys yelling but again, the sound of MAO, MEOAW, MEOAW reverted and It made our beloved Didi really upset and within wink of the eye she BANISHED…( No this time, ‘banish’ meant ‘vanished’. Please don’t get me arrested!! )

Hereby , asking all her officials, to formally and informally not to use the word Maoist or even any word close to it, like Maa, oye!!, Maa aoow,  beasht, meow  et al, she has now announced a ban of all cats in the state who yell or make uncomfortable sounds like ‘MEOW’, which is, indubitably, very close to Mao…

Calling a press conference, debarred of all media except her own government channel, she announced that, from now, all cat owners throughout the state have to register their cat and the sound made by them in the nearby TMC centers. If the sound passed the threshold of the predetermined threatening word MAO, then they have to surrender their cat to the Central Government; who will then take the responsibility of the cat.

When asked by some ardent pet lover’s reaction, they gave a sad smile and said, ”We will miss you Meow” and started weeping. The moot question was solved by Mamta quickly. Ok, wait, I didn’t tell you the question. It was, “what about those ‘stray’ cats? Who will monitor then?”

Then popped in the erstwhile Bournvita quiz master, Derek, to answer that. He said, “ Didi is really brilliant in finding quick solutions. She has found two ways to do so: firstly, she will recruit the youth and send them to catch such stray cats, and if in case anyone fails, she will suspend him on charges of hatching a conspiracy with CMao. Lastly, she would recruit, again youth this time, and ask them to train all the stray dogs to catch hold of those cats, who are not abiding by the rules of restricted ‘Maowing’ sound.”

The moment Derek sensed some festering around him; he was quick enough to respond, “Look, why don’t you understand!!! from 35 years, CPM has done nothing!! And we are at least trying to provide youth an employment opportunity by doing this. Look at Didi’s far-sighted vision!!! She sits in Kolkata and plays cards in Delhi by …ahem ahem... (Correcting himself) and understands the problems of the common man. She is very concerned with people of this state since the word Mao can prove to be lethal everybody’s life, because, you never know, when the Mao, CPM & Cats will hatch a conspiracy to malign her and question her unblemished integrity.”

Having said this, Derek left to accompany Mamta to conduct first Maeow test on cat in Kolkata.